“Match Game”- ’20 PREMIERE

“Shooting Blanks” Panel:
Top: Mario Cantone, Jennifer Esposito & Adam Rodriguez
Bottom: Angie Harmon, Michael Chiklis & Melissa Fumero

G1:
Tony Pham (TV cops superfan in BKN)
Jennifer Jewett (fast food restaurant worker of 8yrs in Gilbert who’s married)

R1:
Tony (A): Mario’s been hired to give the American flag a makeover. Say goodbye to those unflattering horizontal stripes & say hello to what?
G: MORE STARS
Mario: RAINBOW STRIPES
Jennifer: POLKA DOTS
Adam: RAINBOWS
Angie: SEQUENCE
Michael: SEQUINS
Melissa: SPARKELS
Jennifer: The sequel to “TOP GUN” is coming to theaters & Tom Cruise looks amazing in it. But now that he’s pushing 60 his new “TOP GUN” catchphrase’s “I feel the need, the need for…” what?
G: VIAGRA
Mario: DEPENDS
Jennifer: VIAGRA SLEEP
Adam: VIAGRA
Angie: A CANE
Michael: A NAP
Melissa: NAP

R2:
Jennifer (B): The Hardy Boys have just gone through puberty. Now they’re trying to solve the mystery of why they suddenly have what?
G: BONERS
Mario: PUBIC HAIR
Jennifer & Angie: HARDY ONS
Michael: WOOD
Melissa: MORNING WOOD
Tony: Lactose intolerant Linda’s so lactose intolerant she gets a cramp in her stomach anytime a what passes by?
G: ICE CREAM TRUCK
Mario & Adam: COW
Jennifer: ICE CREAM TRUCK (Michael & Melissa also matched)

SM:

AM: MOUTH_______
Adam: KISS
Jennifer: WASH
Melissa: PIECE
G: WASH- $5K ($3K: GUARD/$2K: PIECE)

HtH: TRUE _______
Jennifer: BLOOD (A: LOVE)

G2:
Natalie Illiano (former radio reporter in SD from Voorhees, NJ)
Audrey White (retired police detective & pro bodybuilder in Ocoee, FL)

R1:
Natalie (B): A new study shows pot smokers have more sperm than non-pot smokers. The numbers for Snoop Dogg are off the charts, but I bet that who is a close 2nd?
G: BILL CLINTON
Mario: WILLIE NELSON
Jennifer: WOODY HARRELSON
Adam: BILL CLINTON
Angie: SETH McFARLIN
Michael: SETH ROGAN
Melissa: SETH ROGEN
Audrey: Did you hear about Shamrock Holmes the leprechaun detective? This wee Irish investigator doesn’t fire bullets from his gun, he fires what?
G: GOLD COINS
Mario & Jennifer: FOUR LEAF CLOVER
Adam: LUCKY CHARMS
Angie: GOLD
Michael: STOUT
Melissa: RAINBOWS

R2:
Audrey (A): Marty Carter from Boston never pronounces his R’s. He says things like “I’m Mahty Cahteh. You should blow off this BBQ in the pahk & come to the pahty that’s stahtin’ in the…” what?
G: CAH
Top row: PANTS
Michael: HAHT! (Heart)
Melissa: YA(R)D
Natalie: Dumb Dora’s so dumb I told her she’d never forget her computer password if she just made it her name so he legally changed her name to what?
G: PASSWORD

SM:

AM: SMART__________
Mario: PHONE
Adam: ASS
Michael: ALECK
G: ALECK- $2K ($5K: PHONE/$3K: ASS)

HtH: _______ HOUR
Natalie: FINAL (A: HAPPY)

“Match Game”- ’19 FINALE

Doctors Who Were in the House:
Top: Joel McHale (Dr. Matthew Maker), Mayim (Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler) & Kal (Dr. Lawrence Kutner)
Bottom: Sarah Chalke (Dr. Elliot Reid), Donald Faison (Dr. Christopher Turk) & Bebe Neuwirth (Dr. Lilith Sternin)

G1:
Simit Patel (Moorestown, NJ man who was a pharmacist for 17yrs)
Lisa Long (Sanford, NC lady who’s fascinated w/ criminal justice)

R1:
Simit (A): Rapunzel has lice. Now the prince refuses to climb up her hair unless he’s got ___________.
G: Gloves
Joel & Bebe: RUBBER GLOVES
Mayim: MAYONNAISE
Kal: SHAMPOO
Sarah: A COMB!
Donald: FINE TOOTH COMB
Lisa: Dumb Dora’s so dumb she thought a swap meet was a place where she & Dumb Derrick could go to swap ____________ w/ another couple.
G: Sex
Joel: FLUIDS
Mayim: MEAT (wink-wink)
Kal: SPIT
Sarah: MEAT (meet)
Donald: DERRICK’S MEAT
Bebe: MEAT

(Notes: The panelists were wearing white doctor’s jackets & Alec was wearing a blue shirt. Additionally, instead of the buzzer a flatline sound was played.)

R2:
Simit (A): My proctologist’s studying magic as a hobby. Now when he gives me an exam he bends me over & shouts _______________.
G: “Abracadabra”
Mayim: “OPEN SESAME”
Everybody else: “ABRACADABRA!”
Lisa: Get ready for the new “Grey’s Anatomy” theme park. Thrill rides like the OR of Terror & It’s a Small Intestine After All are so realistic they’re guaranteed to make your __________ go up.
G: Heart rate
Mayim: HEART RATE
Everybody else: BLOOD PRESSURE

SM:

AM: ______HOP
Joel: I
Kal: HIP-
Sarah: SOCK
G: HIP– $3K ($5K: I/$2K: BUNNY)

HtH: MEET THE _______
Simit: PARENTS
Kal: W

G2:
Amanda Hayde (BKN woman who was 5.5 months pregnant at the time)
Marian Walters (Lexington, KY girl who was 6.5 months pregnant at the time)

R1:
Amanda (A): Barbie has paired w/ Arby’s to create Arby’s Dream House, a luxury dollhouse made of premium roast beef & a swimming pool filled w/ ______________.
G: Soda
Joel & Donald: GRAVY
Mayim: “JUS”
Kal: BLOOD
Sarah: COKE SODA BBQ SAUCE
Bebe: KETCHUP OR IF YOU PREFER CATSUP
Marian: The magazines in my doctor’s waiting rm. are so old their copy of TIME has an exclusive interview w/ ____________.
G: Adam & Eve
Joel & Mayim: MOSES
Kal: GOD
Sarah & Donald: JESUS
Bebe: ALEC BALDWIN

R2:
Marian (A): Mayim Bialik played a charming teenage girl on “Blossom”. Alec’s been cast to star in the reboot but since he’s a prickly old man they’re calling it __________.
G: “Thorn”
Joel: “PRUNE”
Mayim: “PRICKLY OLD MAN”
Kal: “DEAD.”
Sarah: “DRIED FRUIT.”
Donald: “PEAR”
Bebe: “PEAT”
Amanda: There’s a brand-new chain of Egyptian-themed strip clubs called Nefer-ta-ta’s. You know you’re at Nefer-ta-ta’s because of the sign overhead w/ the giant neon _________.
G: BOOBS

SM:

AM: _________ EXPRESS
Sarah: POLAR
Donald: AMERICAN
Joel: ORIENT
G: AMERICAN- $5K ($3K: PANDA/$2K: PONY)

HtH: POP-UP ____________
Amanda: SHOP (A: BOOK)

“Match Game” 8/7

Stars:
Top: Michael Che, Kirstie & Chris D’Elia
Bottom: Sherri, Mark Duplass & Brooklyn

G1:
Frank Vaccaro (assistant train master for Port-Authority Trans-Hudson in Union, NJ)
Jessica Boo (recent newlywed in Staten Island)

R1:
Frank (B): Dumb Derek’s so dumb his driving instructor said “lay on the horn” so Derek drove to the zoo & took a nap on a __________.
G: Rhino
Michael: GOAT’S FACE
Kirstie, Chris & Mark: RHINO
Sherri: GROUND
Brooklyn: LION
Jessica: Did you hear Alexa & Siri are dating? And things are really heating up. They’re ready to take the next step & switch themselves to __________ mode.
G: Sleep
Michael & Kirstie: SLEEP
Chris, Sherri & Mark: VIBRATE
Brooklyn: (censored)

R2:
Frank (B): Jack wasn’t nimble & Jack wasn’t quick because Jack was drunk. That’s why he didn’t make it over the candlestick. This morning Jack woke up covered in _________.
G: Candle wax- MATCHED THE OTHER THREE STARS
Jessica: I hear Catwoman’s a new mom- she just gave birth to a litter of kittens. Catwoman said “I’m excited to have seven fluffy newborns but I’m worried I don’t have enough ___________”.
G: Nipples- ELIM. (A: Milk)

SM:

AM: MUD_________
Sherri: BATH
Kirstie: PIE
Mark: MASK(S)
G: PIE- $5K ($3K: BATH/$2K: SLIDE)

HtH: COVER ______
Frank: UP- L (A: GIRL)

G2:
Jonny Block (dump truck driver & pastor from Excelsior Springs, MO)
Quanya Jones (DET lady who loves wigs)

Monitor Match Rd.:
Jonny (B): There’s a new dating app for babies called “Newborn, Who Dis?”. If babies like someone they wipe right. Of course all the boys lie about their __________.
G: Size of what’s in the diaper
Michael: CORD SIZE
Kirstie: WEE WE
Chris: PENIS
Sherri: PENIS SIZE
Mark: PENIS SIZE (Sorry, God)
Brooklyn: BABY PENIS SIZE
Quanya: Sherri Shepherd’s now a pro wrestler who goes by the name Sherri the Scary Tooth Fairy. When you face her in the ring she’ll knock your teeth out & jam a dollar in your __________.
G: Molar
Michael: G-STRING
Kirstie: BUM
Chris: MOUTH
Sherri: MO BOOB MOUTH
Mark: BUTT
Brooklyn: BOOTY

R2:
Jonny (B): Did you hear? When she’s not nannying Mary Poppins has a side gig at a tiki bar. She’s known for putting a(n) ___________ in every drink.
G: Umbrella- GOT MICHAEL
Quanya: Montgomery Moneybags said “I think my groundskeeper is mad at me. Sure, maybe I haven’t paid him in two months but that’s no reason to prune my hedges into the shape of a ______”.
G: Penis- KIRSTIE LET HER DOWN W/ GUN

SM:

AM: SLIM _______
Sherri: FAST
Brooklyn: JIM
Chris: SHADY
G: JIM- $5K ($3K: PICKINGS/$2K: SHADY)

HtH: FOLLOW THE _______
Jonny: LEADER

“Match Game” 7/31

Stars Up for the Matching:
Top: Horatio, Sherri & Tom Lennon
Bottom: Ellie, Kenan & Kyle Richards

G1:
Anthony “Tony” Previti (6th grade language arts teacher by day in Plymouth, MA who’s a songwriter at night)
Tamika Martin (Cleveland Heights, OH)

R1:
Tony (A): Count Dracula became a vampire when he was attacked by a swarm of bats. Count Chocula became a vampire when he was attacked by a handful of _____________.
G: m&ms
Horatio: CHUBBY PEOPLE
Sherri: CHOCULA CHIPS
Tom: CHOCOLATE CHIPS
Ellie: M+M’s
Kenan: HERSHEY’S KISSES
Kyle: CEREAL
Tamika: The hottest toy of the season is “The Real Housewife of Atlanta” doll. Just be careful kids- when you push her button she _____________________.
G: Fights
Horatio: GETS PISSED
Sherri: SHE SNAPS
Tom: SLAPS
Ellie: YELLS
Kenan: THROWS DRINKS IN YOUR FACE
Kyle: SCREAMS

R2:
Tamika (B): Brenda’s butt is so bootylicious she can use it as a bookshelf. In fact she can fit the whole collection of ____________books on it.
G: COOK- X (Horatio, Sherri & Kenan: HARRY POTTER/Everybody else: ENCYCLOPEDIA)
Tony: Tom Brady has decided to retire from football & become a life coach. Most clients report that after a session w/ Tom they leave feeling ____________.
G: DEFLATED

SM:

AM: BUSY__________
Ellie: BODY
Tom: SIGNAL
Kenan: BEE
G: BEE- $5K ($3K: BODY/$2K: DAY)

HtH: HIT THE ___________
Tony: ROAD, JACK
Ellie: ROAD

G2:
Nick Hjelle (hockey goalie in Aubrey, TX)
Laura DeAngelis (active PTO member in Miller Place, NY)

Monitor Match Rd.:
Nick (A): Felix said “No one calls me a pussycat and gets away with it. Tomorrow Tommy Tomcat is gonna wake up to a __________ in his bed”.
G: Dead fish
Horatio: MOUSE HEAD
Sherri: CAT HEAD
Tom & Kenan: HORSE HEAD
Ellie: CAT’S HEAD
Kyle: RAT
Laura: Little Timmy’s new ant farm WASN’T what he expected. Timmy had NO idea an aunt farm would be so much work especially when he has to ____________ ’em.
G: Water
Horatio: HUG
Sherri & Kenan: FEED
Tom: MILK
Ellie: ENERGY BALL-IZE
Kyle: WORK FOR

R2:
Laura (A): As a teenager Marty McFly used to drive a DeLorean 88 miles an hr. to go back to the future. Now that he’s middle-aged he drives a minivan 30 miles an hr. to go back to the _____________.
G: Past
Horatio & Sherri: OLD FOLKS HOME
Tom: GOLF COURSE
Ellie: EARLY BIRD SPECIAL
Kenan & Kyle: DOCTOR
Nick: Did you hear that website for cheating spouses, Ashley Madison, just bought AOL? Now instead of alerting users “You’ve got mail” they say “You’ve got _____________”.
G: A booty call
Horatio: STD’s
Sherri: CAUGHT
Tom: MALE
Ellie: MISTRESSES
Kenan: HERPES
Kyle: A MISTRESS

Tiebreaker:
Nick (B): Lester the Lobster thought he was nailing his job interview but he stormed out in a huff when the boss reached into her desk & pulled out a ___________.
G: Pot of boiling water
Horatio: BOILING POT OF WATER
Sherri: KNIFE
Thomas, Sherri & Kenan: POT
Kyle: POT OF BOILING WATER
Laura: Stephen King’s done writing horror novels & has finally started work on his real passion- interior design. Early reviews say Stephen King’s designs will make you ______________.
G: Cry
Horatio: (censored)
Sherri, Tom & Kenan: SCREAM 
Ellie: SHUDDER
Kyle: DROP DEAD

SM:

AM: LAP______
Tom: DANCE
Ellie: DOG
Kenan: TOP
G: DANCE- $5K ($3K: TOP/$2K: DOG)

HtH: SENSE OF ____________
Nick: HUMOR

“Match Game” 7/24

Stars:
Top: Chris Parnell, Kym Whitley & Rob Riggle
Bottom: Caitlyn Jenner, Jay Pharoah & Sarah Chalke

G1:
Andy Morataya (Pentagon staff photographer & former Marine Corps Combat Photographer in Woodbridge, VA)
Courtney McCotter (former competitive Double Dutch athlete in BKN)

R1:
Andy (A): Police crashed an Amish house party- they gave out tickets for decent exposure. The cops said it was the 1st time they’ve ever had to bust someone for showing too much _____________.
G: Self-control
Chris: FACIAL HAIR
Kym: CLOTHING
Rob: STRAW HATS
Caitlyn: NUDE BUTT
Jay: CLOTHES
Sarah: BEARDS FABRIC.
Courtney: Have you heard about Dr. Dre the gynecologist? Dr. Melvin Dre is a respected lady doctor whose humble catchphrase’s “Ain’t nothing but a _______ thang”.
G: V
Chris: V (VAGINA)
Kym & Caitlyn: G SPOT
Rob: V
Jay: G
Sarah: V

R2:
Courtney (A): Mindy Mermaid said “I just had a first date with a walrus. Everything went swimmingly until I slipped & made a comment about his _________”.
G: Fat
Kym: SMALL TUSK
Caitlyn: NOSE
Jay: WEIGHT
Andy: Let me tell you traveling w/ Zac Efron’s a total pain in the ass- every time he goes through airport security he sets off the metal detector w/ his _________ of steel.
G: Buns- ELIM. (A: ABS)

SM:

AM: SNAP_______________
Jay: CHAT
Sarah: PEAS
Chris: CRACKLE POP
G: CHAT- $5K ($3K: CRACKLE POP/$2K: DRAGON)

HtH: _____ AND OUT
Courtney: IN- W

G2:
Kris Thomas (huge advocate of women’s health in Floral Park, NY)
Lisa Saunders (karaoke queen in Randallstown, MD)

R1:
Kris (B): Pat Sajak CAN’T get anyone to try out for his spinoff show “Wheel of Misfortune”- that’s because instead of losing a turn contestants lose their ___________.
G: Life
Chris & Kym: SHIRT
Rob: LIFE
Caitlyn: VIRGINITY
Jay: CASH
Sarah: MONEY
Lisa: Aladdin said “My girlfriend HATES my flying carpet because it has no seatbelts. I don’t mind though- I just have her hold onto my ______________”.
G: Waist
Chris: PENIS
Kym: TALLY WACKER
Rob: BIG THREAD (PENIS)
Caitlyn: BUTT
Jay: WANG
Sarah: DONG

R2:
Kris (B): My lovemaking’s so sweet I have to keep ____________ by my bed.
G: A drink
Chris: SOMETING SALTY
Kym: SALT
Caitlyn: ICE CUBES
Jay & Sarah: SUGAR
Lisa: Rapunzel has given up the princess life to dominate the rap battle scene. She used to be known for dropping her hair; now she’s known for dropping the ___________.
G: Beat
Chris, Kym & Sarah: MIC
Rob: BEATS
Caitlyn: LATTER
Jay: BARS

Tiebreaker:
Kris (B): I went to my first doga class- that’s yoga w/ your dog. It was a great workout but kind of weird to see a Rottweiler in ____________.
G: Yoga pants
Chris: YOGA PANTS
Kym: DOWNWARD DOG W/ YOGA PANT ON
Rob: DOWNWARD DOG
Caitlyn: YOGA OUTFIT
Jay: SPANDEX
Sarah: DOWNWARD FACING DOG
Lisa: George Washington was honest about everything, even his marital shortcomings. He said to Martha “I cannot tell a lie- I CANNOT _______________”.
G: Orgasm
Chris: COPULATE
Kym: GET A BONER
Rob: BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK
Caitlyn: DO IT WITHOUT MY WIG
Jay: GET IT UP
Sarah: GET IT ON

SM:

AM: BATTLE OF THE _______
Rob: SEXES
Chris: BANDS
Jay: BULGE
G: SEXES- $5K ($3K: BULGE/$2K: BANDS)

HtH: _______ TRICK
Kris: HAT- L (A: MAGIC)

“Match Game” 7/17

Stars:
Top: Mario Cantone, Raven-Symone & Hasan Manaj
Bottom: Caroline, Wayne Newton & Sandra Bernhard

G1:
CHRISTIAN CARRION (Lancaster, PA)
Santronya “Tron” Smith (Scottsdale)

R1:
Christian (B): Dumb Derek’s so dumb when his boyfriend said he wanted a smart-looking suit Derek took his old jacket & glued a bunch of ________ to it.
G: BOOKS
Mario: IPHONES
Raven-Symone: A++’s
Hasan: REPORT CARDS
Caroline: SMARTPHONES
Wayne: BALLS
Sandra: DICTIONARIES
Tron: Have you heard of Vito the very Italian vampire? Vito DOESN’T say “I vant to suck your blood”- he says “I vant to suck your _____________”.
G: SAUCE
Mario & Raven-Symone: CANNOLI
Hasan: BREADSTICK
Caroline: VINO
Wayne: SPAGHETTI SAUCE
Sandra: TOES

R2:
Tron (B): If you drive on Wayne Newton Blvd. it’ll take you to the Las Vegas airport. But if you drive on Dennis Roadman Blvd. it’ll take you straight to ___________________.
G: A STRIP CLUB
Hasan: JAIL
Everybody else: NORTH KOREA
Christian: If you’re in the market for fresh honey head on down to Bernadette’s Bee Hole. Locals say it’s the sweetest spot in town as long as you don’t mind getting your hands _________.
G: STICKY (Wayne disagreed w/ STUNG)

SM:

AM: _________PAD
Mario: i
Caroline: “BACHELOR”
Wayne: MY
G: i- $5K ($3K: MAXI/$2K: “BACHELOR”)

HtH: TUG_________
Christian: OF WAR- SORRY (A: BOAT)

G2:
Cher Costea (Wharton, NJ)
Scott Matthews (Beverly, MA)

R1:
Cher (B): You all remember the movie “Purple Rain”. Well now there’s a movie about the current White House administration called “Orange ____________”.
G: SKIN
Mario: TRASH
Raven-Symone: REICH
Hasan: MUSSOLINI 
Caroline & Wayne: PAIN
Sandra: CRUSH
Scott: Gwendolyn said “I had a real fairytale wedding which was terrible because we had to invite the _____________”.
G: TOOTH FAIRY
Mario: WITCH
Raven-Symone: EVIL QUEEN MOTHER IN LAW!
Hasan: MOTHER IN LAW
Caroline: EVIL QUEEN
Wayne: TOOTH FAIRY
Sandra: EVIL STEPSISTER

R2:
Scott (B): Handsome Harry’s so handsome last wk. the coat check girl took his coat & then asked if she could also have his ___________.
G: HEART
Mario & Raven-Symone: BABY
Hasan: CHILD
Caroline & Sandra: NUMBER
Cher: It’s hard to mistake Hasan Manaj for Nicki Minaj. Nicki DOESN’T have a Peabody Award & Hasan DOESN’T have a ________.
G: BUTT (Sandra went w/ some kind of nail instead)

SM:

AM: HOT ________
Caroline: SAUCE
Mario: TUB
Wayne: LIPS
G: DOG- $5K ($3K: TAMALE/$2K: MAMA)

HtH: _______ AND CLEAR
Cher: CLEAN
Mario: LOUD

“Match Game” 6/26

Stars Aligned As Follows:
Top: Joel McHale, Rachael Ray & Jason Biggs
Bottom: Caroline, Donald Faison & Vanessa Williams

G1:
Rutger McKenna (trained boxer in BKN)
Alex Shumway (neighborhood social director in Dedham, MA)

R1:
Rutger (B): Rachael Ray used to be in a street gang. Everybody else carried chains & switchblades but Rachael put her kitchen skills to use & carried a concealed _____________.
G: Frying pan
Joel: SPATULA
Everybody else: KNIFE
Alex: There’s a new acrobat troupe for the elderly called Cirque du So Gray. It’s really something to see 95-yr.-old Milton somersault through the air swinging from the rafters by his ___________.
G: Diaper(s)
Joel: CAIN
Rachael: WALKER
Jason: WHEELCHAIR
Caroline: DIAPER
Donald: DENTURES
Vanessa: SUSPENDERS

R2:
Alex (A): Dumb Derek’s so dumb he wanted to make a sex tape so he took some duct tape & stuck a bunch of ___________ to it.
G: Condoms
Joel, Jason & Donald: CONDOMS
Rachael: PUBIC HAIRS
Vanessa: VIBRATORS
Rutger: At the Hard Rock CAFE even the cocktails are music-themed. There’s one called the Tongue-Twister- it can only be served once since it’s garnished w/ _______________’s actual tongue.
G: Gene Simmons- SWEEP

SM:

AM: HEAVY _______
Joel: METAL
Rachael: DUTY
Donald: HANDED
G: METAL- $5K ($3K: DUTY/$2K: LIFTING)

HtH: GIFT _____________
Rutger: CARD
Donald: WRAP

G2:
Khary Hobbs (Harper Woods, MI)
Rochelle Hall (The Old-School Crew dance team member in Carson)

R1:
Khary (B): T-Pain had a huge hit w/ “All I Do Is Win”; now I’m dropping a remix called “All I Do Is Baldwin”. It’s just four minutes of me rapping about how I’m handsome, charming & exceedingly _____________.
G: Awesome
Joel, Caroline & Vanessa: FERTILE
Rachael & Jason: FUNNY
Donald: RICH
Rochelle: The Red Star Café is ruled w/ an iron fist by its master baker Vladimir Gluten. If you dare to criticize his baked goods he’ll __________ your cupcake.
G: Smash
Joel & Vanessa: SPIT
Rachael & Jason: EXECUTE
Caroline: BOMB
Donald: CREAM S*@$

R2:
Rochelle (A): At the Vatican when they elect a new pope they send up a signal of white smoke into the air. At abc when they pick a new “BACHELOR” the air fills w/ ___________.
G: Condoms
Joel: SPERMACIDE
Rachael, Jason, Donald & Vanessa: ROSES/ROSE PETALS
Caroline: BULLS*@$
Khary: Phyllis said “My husband always complains that I treat him like an absolute dog. So yesterday I put him in the back of my car & took him to get __________”.
G: Neutered
Joel & Rachael: FIXED
Jason & Caroline: NEUTERED
Donald: SNIPPED
Vanessa: GROOMED

SM:

AM: __________ QUEEN
Caroline: DAIRY
Jason: DANCING
Vanessa: BEAUTY
G: BEAUTY ($5K: DANCING/$3K: DRAMA/$2K: DRAG)

HtH: SNAKE _____
Khary: BITE
Joel: W

“Match Game” 6/19

Stars:
Top: Chris Parnell, Whitney Cummings & Tony Rock
Bottom: Jane K., Rob Riggle & Sarah Chalke

G1:
Christina Floriza (Chevy Chase)
Mike Brown (Harlem)

R1:
Christina (A): Humpty Dumpty didn’t just fall off a wall- he fell off the wagon. Now he shows up everywhere looking __________.
G: Cracked
Chris & Whitney: DRUNK
Tony & Jane: CRACKED
Rob: BROKEN
Sarah: WASTED
Mike: Marvin the math teacher’s pickup lines are so lame the other night I heard him at the bar saying “Hey baby, want to see my ___________”?
G: Long division
Chris & Tony: RULER
Whitney: 8 INCHES
Jane: LONG DIVISION
Rob: SLIDE RULE
Sarah: MEASURING STICK

R2:
Christina (B): Cindy said “I made a big mistake when I got my health insurance at the dollar store- the doctors use the same ___________ all day long”.
G: Thermometer
Chris: TONGUE DEPRESSOR
Whitney: NEEDLE
Rob: GIANT FOAM FINGER
Sarah: BAG OF MARBLES
Mike: Ancient Al’s so old when he has phone sex he uses a ____________.
G: Rotary phone
Top row: TELEGRAPH
Rob & Sarah: ROTARY PHONE

SM:

AM: DIRTY ________
Jane: LAUNDRY
Rob: TALK
Sarah: MONEY
G: LAUNDRY- $2K ($5K: DANCING/$3K: MIND)

HtH: WINE AND _______
Mike: DINE (Jane: ROSES)

G2:
Julee Snitzer-Levine (Florida Gators fan in Northridge, CA)
Brett White (Queens; orig. from TN)

R1:
Julee (A): Tom said “Some people think our political landscape is like living the movie ‘Dumb and Dumber’. But I say it’s more like we’re trapped in an episode of that creepy TV show ‘_______________'”.
G: “American Horror Story”
Chris & Whitney: “THE TWILIGHT ZONE”
Other stars: “STRANGER THINGS”
Brett: Hermione from Harry Potter has written a tell-all book called My Chamber of Secrets– she claims to have once seen Harry smuggling ___________ in his pants.
G: A wand
Chris: WANDS
Whitney: MAGIC WANDS
Tony: WEED
Jane: WAND
Rob: MAGIC WAND
Sarah: HIS WAND

R2:
Brett (B): If you like gossip get ready for Toddler TMZ where the photographers shout out questions like “Did you just wet yourself, Braden?” & “Is it true you and Madison are having a(n) ____________?”.
G: Affair- X (A: PLAY DATE)
Julee: There’s a new exhibit at the HOLLYWOOD Aquarium where the sea creatures look like celebrities- they have Shark Wahlberg, a Prawn Connery & even a(n) ________ Patrick Harris.
G: Eel
Chris: SEAL
Everybody else: EEL

Tiebreaker:
Julee (B): I just saw a new Broadway musical called “Beauty and the Priest”. The songs were a little preachy for my taste but at the end instead of “Encore” the audience shouted ___________.
G: Amen
Tony: HALLELUJAH
The rest: AMEN
Brett: Cheap Charles took his date for a romantic dinner in the dumpster behind TGI FRIDAYS. They had a nice time except when they had to share their half-eaten potato skins w/ a ____________.
G: Rat- W

SM:

AM: PENNY ________
Chris: LANE
Jane: WISE
Rob: PINCHER
G: LANE- X ($5K: PINCHER/$3K: LOAFERS/$2K: FOR YOUR THOUGHTS)

HtH: __________POOL
Brett: SWIMMING
Rob: W

“Match Game” 6/12

Panelists:
Top: Jason A., Sheryl U. & Gabriel
Bottom: Constance, Michael Che & Bridget Everett

G1:
Chrissy Thornton (frequent beauty pageant contestant in Reisterstown, MD)
Erica Allseitz (science teacher in Culver City)

R1:
Chrissy (B): Dumb Dora’s so dumb she thinks going green is when you get romantic w/ _____________.
G: Vegetables
Jason: A PICKLE
Sheryl: KERMIT THE FROG!
Gabriel: FROG
Constance: WITH A PLANT
Michael: KERMIT
Bridget: JACK + THE BEANSTALK
Erica: Father Fido preaches hellfire & Dalmatian at the church of the good German Shepherd. He says it’s a sin to covet thy neighbor’s squeaky toy & an even bigger sin to _________________.
G: Pee in the house
Jason: DO IT DOGGY STYLE
Sheryl: PEE IN DRINKING BOWL
Gabriel: SNIFF DA BUTT!
Constance: HAVE SEX WITH
Michael: SNIFF HIS DOG BUTT!
Bridget: GET IN THE BUTT

R2:
Chrissy (B): Bigfoot’s hairy heinie is so huge he DOESN’T get dingleberries he gets dingle ____________.
G: Melons
Sheryl: BUSHES
Gabriel: MELONS
Constance: ORANGES
Michael: APPLES
Erica: Have you been to Spaghetti Eddie’s Italian diner & strip club? Their lunch special’s really popular- it’s $9.99 for never-ending ___________ & breadsticks.
G: Meatballs
Jason & Michael: LAP DANCES
Gabriel: PASTA
Constance: BOOBS
Bridget: STRIP STEAK

SM:

AM: ROCK THE _________
Bridget: VOTE
Sheryl: MIC
Jason: BOAT
G: BOAT- $5K ($3K: CASBAH/$2K: HOUSE)

HtH: _____ PERRY
Chrissy: KATY
Jason: W

G2:
Kayti Fletcher (huge *NSYNC fan in Savannah)
Hans von Walter (doctor in psychiatry in Loma Linda, CA)

R1:
Kayti (A): Premenstrual Pamela’s so premenstrual when her husband asked if she was having mood swings she ____________ him.
G: Killed
Jason: KILLED
Sheryl: SHOT HIM!
Gabriel: HIT
Constance: PUNCHED
Michael: SPRAYED
Bridget: BLOODED HIM UP
Hans: I’m so proud & honored- they’re coming out w/ a life-size Alec Baldwin Chia Pet. Of course it grows grass on my head but it turns out the most fertile area’s my ____________.
G: Chest
Jason: CHEST
Sheryl: PENIS
Gabriel: BUTT
Constance: BALLS
Michael: COIN PURSE
Bridget: CHIA-A-LING AKA DING-A-LING

R2:
Hans (B): Joe said “I downloaded a sexy new app called ‘Words With Friends With Benefits’. I just sent a woman the word S-P-A-N-K & her reply was just two letters- ___”.
G: ME
Sheryl: (censored)
Gabriel, Constance, Michael & Bridget: ME
Kayti: Turns out there was a 3rd person in the Garden of Eden- Constance Zimmer. The snake tried to tempt her w/ an apple but Constance held out for an apple __________.
G: MARTINI
Sheryl, Gabriel & Constance: PIE
Michael: BOTTOM JEANS
Bridget: JACK

SM:

AM: PARTY _______
Jason: ANIMAL
Constance: TIME
Bridget: HAT
G: ANIMAL- $5K ($3K: POOPER/$2K: TIME)

SM: GRAND __________
Hans: SLAM
Jason: CANYON 

“Match Game” 2/20

Stars:
Top: Mario C., Raven-Symone & Oliver
Bottom: Caroline, Finesse & Julie Klausner

G1:
Jay Delgado (tech co. mgr. in Wharton, NJ who prev. was the lead security host at Prince’s residency in Vegas)
Nancy Witter (Vegas)

R1:
Jay (A): There’s a new version of “Romeo & Juliet” that’s being produced by Jerry Springer. In this one Juliet drinks the poison when she finds out Romeo’s ___________.
G: Gay
Mario: GAY OR HOMOSEXUAL
Raven-Symone: BRINGING HER MOM
Oliver & Caroline: GAY
Finesse: A ROMESHA GIRL
Julie: NOT THE FATHER
Nancy: ’90s rapper Six Mix-a-Lot has a pro-feminist take on his classic song “Baby Got Back”- it’s called “Baby Got ________”.
G: FRONT
Mario: POWER
Julie: EQUAL PAY!
Everyone else: THE BRAINS

R2:
Jay (B): When Caroline Rhea heard about the TV series “Naked and Afraid” she thought it was a show about her last trip to the _______________.
G: Gynecologist 
Raven-Symone: BANK
Finesse: DOCTOR
Julie: CLUB
Nancy: Ancient Al’s so old when he exercises he DOESN’T sweat-sweat he sweats ___________.
G: Urine
Mario & bottom row: DUST
Raven-Symone: WHISKY
Oliver: ENSUR

SM:

AM: KEEP IT ________
Caroline: UP
Finesse: REAL
Mario: CLEAN
G: REAL- $5K ($3K: UP/$2K: CLEAN)

HtH: _____ACHE
Jay: HEAD
Finesse: W

G2:
Sharretta Benjamin (D.C. mom who likes to make tiny foods)
Nora Saman (sportscar fanatic in Hillsborough, NJ who got a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray)

R1:
Sharretta (B): Prince Harry’s so ginger when he goes outside he has to put on a lot more than sunscreen; he wears a full __________.
G: Body armor
Mario: SUIT
Raven-Symone: RUBBER…CAPE
Oliver: BODY SUIT
Caroline: SET OF ARMOR
Finesse: JACKET
Julie: BEEKEEPER SUIT
Nora: Get ready for TV’s newest reboot “Unhappy Days”- it stars a millennial Fonzie who went to Princeton but still finds himself working as a _______________.
G: Waiter
Mario, Caroline & Finesse: MECHANIC
Raven-Symone: NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR
Oliver: MIME
Julie: CUSTODIAN

R2:
Sharretta (B): Good news ladies- Wonderbra has teamed up w/ Wonder bread to make an edible bra. To avoid chafing they suggest you apply a little __________.
G: Flour (A: Butter)
Nora: There’s an adult film star cashing in on my success- he calls himself Phallic Baldwin. So while I starred in “30 ROCK” he’s making a movie called “_________ Rock”.
G: Dirty
Mario, Julie & Raven-Symone: HARD! AS A
Oliver: SUCK MY
Caroline & Finesse: HARD

SM:

AM: ________ TRIP
Caroline: COLLEGE
Oliver: ROAD
Mario: ACID
G: ROAD- $5K ($3K: GIRLS/$2K: FIELD)

HtH: EASY AS ______
Sharretta: PIE
Julie: W